Lately there’s been quite a few bloggers who have admitted being alcoholics. I’ve often nodded and thought “good for them”, but I didn’t really feel a connection because so far, none of them have been folks I read. I say so far, because today, a wonderful woman whom I DO read took an extraordinarily brave step, and I wanted to say I am SO damn proud of her.
My own experience with alcohol has always felt like I was dancing on the edge of a cliff. When I lived in San Diego, California, I was about 5 blocks from an On The Border, which, aside from having some really smashing fajitas, had a cantina.
I found myself stopping by there Friday nights after work, to hang out and have a couple drinks. Then I started going two days a week, then three, then four. Then I started stopping by there on my way home, ordering three very strong shots, slamming them down, and then jumping in my truck to drive the 5 blocks home before the alcohol hit me. I would have blackouts. I would be fall-down drunk and pass out, but I didn’t think I had a problem because I never had a hangover.
I knew exactly how much I could drink and still be able to drive the short distance home. I never swerved, never put anyone in danger, and I felt like I was in control because I WOULD leave my truck there and walk home when I knew I had too much.
Was I an alcoholic? I don’t know. I think I could be, given the chance again. I’m very careful about drinking when my husband and I go out to dinner. I have a beer or two once in a blue moon, but quite honestly, the only thing that is keeping me from the shots is how expensive they are. We planned on getting some booze here in the house to stock a minibar kind of thing, and although I was nodding and going “yeah, great idea” I was really thinking “I can’t do that. I’ll drink it all.”
If I had not met my husband, I probably would still be drinking 3-4 times a day.
Would I have been able to announce to the world my addiction, like Maggie did? I don’t know. She amazes me constantly, and her announcement only makes me love her even more.
Maggie, you’re the bomb. You are an inspiration, and I wish I could write as eloquently as you do. Keep it up.