Money Only Adds to the FUN

On my IE favorites bar there is a folder labled Finances. In this folder are links to my two banks, various bills that can be paid online, and a couple of automatic transfers that I include so I don’t forget about them. Each of these links have a due date next to them, or paid. One of them says “paid off”, which I am really happy about but keep an eye on just in case some weird thing happens.

Generally I avoid looking at the finances folder because it causes a big knot of anxiety to form in my stomach, mainly because I have no money to pay the stuff that was due at the beginning of the month. We’ve got a couple of late fees, easy enough to deal with but I hate having to continue to put stuff off because we don’t have the money.

My missing tax information was taken care of and mailed on Friday. It will probably be processed sometime this week but who knows how long it’ll take to actually get the money. They say 6 – 8 weeks, but I’m hoping it’s sooner. I’ve submitted my GI Bill verification already, I usually do it at 12:01AM on the earliest day I can, so hopefully that will be showing up in time to pay rent.

Sometimes I worry that when we do get out from underneath these bills, I’ll have so little stress I won’t know what to do with myself. Soon, I keep telling myself. Soon. Soon the medical bills will be almost all paid off. Soon we will be under 10 grand on the truck. Soon all we will need to worry about is rent and utilities and I’ll be able to go grocery shopping for the good stuff instead of relying on mac & cheese and tuna and chicken in bulk.

I did make some killer crockpot BBQ chicken last night though, it’s fab as a sandwich with muenster cheese.

I have a lot of big plans. I have ideas about how to handle the budget so that we’re not living paycheck to paycheck, about how to handle the groceries so we’re not scrounging at the end of the week, about how to organize myself so that I’m not going crazy at the end of a school term. I don’t know that I’ll ever manage to put these plans in action, but I’m going to try.

That or I’ll just keep going crazy.

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It’s 5 am. Do you know where your brain is?

I should have taken a Lunesta around 10 PM. Then I might not be in this mess, which is to say, awake at 5 AM with my son blissfully crashed out in the next room, recharging his batteries for 9 AM. Undoubtedly, I will be regretting this course of action at approximately 9:05 AM.

Insomnia will always get the better of me, I think. Lunesta leaves me feeling off the next day. I can’t take Restoril, not because it doesn’t work, but because I enjoy the high too much before it knocks me out. It’s the same reason I didn’t ask for a refill on my oxycodone or tylenol with codine from the dentist, despite the fact that I now have to pop ibuprofen like candy to take the edge off the pain.

Did I mention my $5409 tax return was delayed? It’s likely this is now a prominent reason why I’m unable to sleep at this time. Fortunately, Mr. Hottie gets paid in 3 days so the zero in our bank account won’t be there much longer. Again, I’m just grateful it’s not a negative number. I can handle having to live off of the change out of the theoretical seat cushions (we don’t own a couch) but when it goes in the red, that’s a different story. I’m anxious because I don’t know what’s missing. I don’t know what I missed when I dutifully entered in our W-2s and 1098-Ts into the electronic tax boxes. I don’t know where I made the mistake. It’s probably something to do with my tuition, but until I get the letter of explanation, all I’ve got is suppositions at 5 am.

My school term is up at the end of April. I still have a statistics class to go through, as well as a java class and natural science. There’s a science project involved with that. I had 6 months to do these things. Why do I continue to procrastinate to the last minute when I know -know- that it’s not a good idea? It’s like I have to put myself in this kind of stress because I don’t work out of the home so I have no other stress in my life. Is there a word for that? For consciously -making- stressful situations?

I don’t know, but it’s damn annoying.

Another thing that’s annoying is the way that WordPress keeps moving the focus of this block of text back to the beginning of the post if I’m not actively typing. I pause for a split second to gather my thoughts and woosh, it’s back up at the top. Annoying.

Ah well. I guess I’ll play Peggle until my brain rebels and I decide that an hour nap is better than no nap at all when faced with a supercharged two-year-old.

Oh yeah, and I have to go back to the doctor today to get a halter that will record my heart for the next 24 hours. Awesome. Maybe I can finally pin down that irregular heartbeat that happens every time I lay down to go to bed. YAY more stress.

I was going to go to BlogHer

But then my much anticipated $5409 tax return that I was supposed to get on February 16th was delayed. “Something was incomplete,” said the kind person on the phone when I called for an explanation. “How can that be? I filed electronically?” “It just happens sometimes,” she replied, with sympathy. I thanked her and was instructed to keep an eye out for a letter from the IRS detailing my omission, which I was to complete and return with all speed, whereupon it would be processed and I would get my return within 6 – 8 weeks.

I owe my dentist in the neighborhood of $1600 on March 8th, only because they were willing to do the work on me when I assured them I’d be getting my tax return this month. Now I’ll have to put off the rest of the work until I get the check, which just stinks. It’s hard enough to eat as it is, so I might be going back on a liquid diet for a while. Hey, I needed to lose weight, right?

Speaking of losing weight, I was doing really well on my diet. I had gotten down to 182, then the tooth problems started happening. It’s really hard to chew certain things when teeth are hurting on both sides. I ate a lot of ramen. Subsequently, I gained some of the weight back. I’m not terribly upset, I was expecting it, after all, and I didn’t gain THAT much back. I’m still under 190, at least. We were going to try to pick up the diet again on Monday, but the lack of tax return has put us in the dubious possession of a big fat goosegg in our bank account until payday, which is next Friday. Thankfully, everything that was coming out automatically has already come out, so we won’t be overdrafting anything. I don’t mind having no money, it’s when I get in the red that I start to get upset at myself.

We did just join Sam’s Club (definitely worthwhile, if only for their $1.77 a pound boneless, skinless chicken breasts. What a deal!) and stocked up, so we’re fine for groceries. I have a full tank of gas, so I know we’ll be just fine. It’s just annoying that I was told when I submitted my taxes that it was fine and the IRS had accepted it, and it was being processed. “You should recieve your return on the 16th” proclaimed the website, right up until the day of. When the day passed and there was no deposit, I started getting nervous. Oh well, now it’s just a waiting game.

As I write this I can hear my daughter playing Edvard Grieg’s “Morning Mood” on the violin. She started taking lessons at the beginning of the school year in August/September, and she’s progressed amazingly fast. She’s auditioned for and gotten into a special pop strings group at school. They do stuff like Crocodile Rock, it’s pretty cute. I’m just so proud of her and I hope she keeps it up. When my 2 older kids come to stay with me for summer, I’m going to try to find her a place to continue lessons. My middle son wants to dance, so I’m going to try to find lessons for him too. He needs some way to burn off lots of energy.

The past few days have been difficult for me mentally. Since the 16th, I’ve been depressed and had horrible insomnia, coupled with a few incidents of erratic heart behavior. I was at the doctor’s yesterday and got a prescription for Lunesta. It’s a a love/hate relationship as I get used to the stuff again. The first night it zonked me out in ten minutes but left me groggy for several hours after I woke up. Last night it took me a half hour to fall asleep, but I only stayed groggy for about a half hour when I woke up. The main thing I don’t like about Lunesta is that it leaves a funny taste in my mouth all day. Tonight I think I’m going to try taking just half. I was suppose to go get tested for ADD/ADHD on Wednesday, but of course, suddenly did not have the money for the test.

On the good side, I did get one bill paid off completely, so that’s one out of the way. When the tax return comes in, we should be able to pay off almost all of the medical bills. I’m so excited about that. We’re well on our way to being out of debt. We’ll even have my truck paid off in about 2 years, just in time to be looking to move up to Alabama. Ugh. I can’t wait to get up there and have a house with some land that I can make my attempts to be self-sufficient on.

I’ve rambled enough for now, I think. I wish I could afford to have someone do a site for me that didn’t involve a .wordpress. domain name.

This Is One Of Those Days

About 2 am, or maybe it was 3, I woke up with excruciating tooth pain. This is not surprising, due to my lack of general tooth care, however I was hoping I’d be able to hold out until later. Oh well. I knew that one of my teeth was dead, and after having four root canals, I knew I was due for another one.

Sure enough, I went to the dentist today and was told I needed a root canal. Fortunately, I also needed a new crown and a filling on that same side, so they went ahead and started all the work. Unfortunately, they had to stop because I ended up being there at closing time. Sooo I get to go back on Monday for them to finish the filling and the two crowns worth of prep, then go back again after that when the crowns arrive. In the meantime, one whole quadrant of my mouth is full of temporary material that I can’t chew on.

I forsee a lot of ramen in my immediate future. They gave me a prescription to oxycodone, which definitely helped to blunt the ache in my jaw, and after a 2 hour drive in Orlando Rush Hour traffic and another 20 minutes of waiting at Walgreens, I was finally able to stumble into the house and take one. It’s an odd feeling when half of your face is numb, yet the pain in your jaw is definitely present.

I took a little nap from about 8 pm to 12:30 am. About 1, my husband decides he’s going to bed, and mentions to me that the Little Man is still awake and kind of tugging on his ear (uh oh), so I go and check on him. He’s burning up, so I get a thermometer. 101 degree fever. I ask him (via sign language) if he hurts, and he points to his ear. Hoo boy.

Fortunately, I have some baby ibuprofen, the kind that comes with a cup. I pour out the dose and give him a little, and he signs and says “more”. No struggle to get this boy to take medicine, at least. Then he wanted to get into our bed instead of his bed, so right now he’s tucked in in the middle of the bed. Thank goodness for king size beds. Plenty of room for all three of us, and a dog, if we had one. As for me, I’m wide awake. The pain is tolerable, but I know I need to go to sleep, and I can’t take my usual tylenol PM.

It might be a long night.