The Device Has Been Modified…

…is on repeat.

I’m stressed. I’m trying not to be, but I am. Hottie’s part time contract job ended today, so I’m looking at a shortage of about $900 bucks a month. I’m trying to rework the budget now. I know he’ll come up with something. I wish we were moving to Alabama now.

Nanowrimo starts Saturday. I still don’t know what I’m going to write about.

Pediatricians for Little Man successfully changed, now to just wrestle his records away from the old one. I like the new one much better.

No further info on tests for Little Man. Pediatrician is suggesting a pediatric orthopedist for his mysterious hand ailment, and possibly a trip to a pediatric geneticist to see if his little quirks are part of a greater whole.

I’m not panicking. Really I’m not. I’m just stressed and I want a cigarette. I want to smoke for Nanowrimo.

Hello and welcome to the Enrichment Center.

Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper.

The device has been modified.

Put me down!

You’re doing very well.

The device has been modified.

Well you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? The only thing you’ve managed to break so far is my heart. This isn’t brave. It’s murder. What did I ever do to you? You don’t even care do you?

Please proceed into android hell.

Weighted storage cube destroyed.

The device has been modified.

You euthanized your faithful companion cube. Well done.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Are you still there?

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A Change In The Weather

A tiny Little Man update – the bloodwork and x-ray both came back clear. However, his finger is still swollen, and the neurologist wants some different tests done so… that’s all I got for now.

A cold front has come to Florida. Yesterday and the day before I’ve been able to turn off the A/C and open windows and the patio door. It’s been absolutely wonderful. I really hate humidity and having to keep everything all closed up. It makes me stir crazy and gives me cabin fever. The 10-day-forecast is for all high 70s and low 80s so I’m hopeful autumn may finally be here. The downside is that the cooler weather has given Little Man a cold, and although he’s his usual chipper self, the quantities of gunk I have to suck out of his nose are astounding. He hates it of course. I’ve never heard a baby swear until I started doing it to him… he swears like Donald Duck does.

In other news, I’m really, really, really, really jonesing for CoH. My last account expired last week (the day before they turned the halloween event on) and I’ve been wanting to play since then. I really wish they still had the 15-day timecards because I only want to play for the Halloween event and get badges. I just can’t afford it right now, especially because I want to do all of our (mine and Night’s) accounts. But, responsibility and all that. Money was tight before but it seems like every month I get a new medical bill to add to the growing pile (right now we owe about $2500 to various places).

But at least now the weather is good, we’re eating better – almost managed to completely cut out junk food, but yesterday was our D&D game and the guys all brought chips and soda and grrr… there’s a 2-liter of Pepsi in my fridge and all I want to do is dump it down the sink. It’s just too easy to give in when it’s there and I’m pretty much conditioned to not waste food or drink because we’re broke, so I end up eating more junk than I should. At least there’s tons of salad in there too.

A Glimmer of Sense?

Well, we just got back from the neurologist.

The doctor was really nice, very professional, and took a lot of time to ask us questions and examined Little Man very thoroughly. The drive is a bit much but I think it’ll be worth it.

It’s not my imagination, at least. He said there is definitely something up with Little Man’s fine/gross motor movements. He said that the muscles in his legs are underdeveloped in his hips, over developed in his upper legs, and underdeveloped on the lower legs, which leads to that froggy pose. He’s got some issues with his hands as well. Too hard to describe exactly but he’s not picking things up quite the way he should.

He’s recommending we start physical therapy now, and in about a week (after they get authorization) we need to make an appointment for an MRI/spinal MRI. This time we’ll be able to get it, it says on there anesthesia as needed. There are also a whole other slew of blood tests that need to be done.

Speaking of which, we STILL haven’t heard back from the pediatrician about the x-ray and the bloodwork that we had done before. Hottie called them but they haven’t returned our call yet. I’m looking for a new pediatrician.

Bottom line, yes there is something, and now we can start taking the steps needed to figure out what it is, and from there, how to treat it.

I Just Love the Medical System

I want to write this while it’s still fresh in my mind. I think my give-a-damn is busted.

Last week, Little Man had an X-ray of his hand, and blood drawn for some organ disease panels. We still haven’t heard anything back from them.

We also tried to get an MRI set up for Little Man. No go, he’s too small. “We can’t do an MRI on a child that size, you need to try Winnie Palmer.”

Okay, call Winnie Palmer. No openings until DECEMBER.

Call another hospital, manage to get an appointment for today. On Friday I preregister and somehow pull 80 bucks out of my ass to cover our portion of payment. Give the nurse all the info, yes we have a prescription, it says “Brain MRI, spasticity in the lower extremities.” Yes, his birthday is 1/2/08.

Get there today, check in. Oops, forgot the scrip. No worries, the nurse calls my doctor’s office to get a copy.

Twice.

No scrip. “Well they can’t do it without the scrip.”

Okay, I can understand that. But then this happens, “Did it say quick flash or brain MRI?”

*blink blink* Quickawha?

The nurse says “He’s too little for the brain MRI. The doctor should have written for a quick flash because it takes less time, or else he’s going to have to be under anesthesia.”

So, not only could they not do it because I didn’t have the scrip, they couldn’t do it even if I DID have it, and even if Little Man’s doctor’s office got off their butts and faxed over a copy. Why didn’t they tell me this on Friday, instead of making me drive down there on $3.75 a gallon gasoline for a wasted trip?

Now I have to call Little Man’s doctor tomorrow, set up another appointment when I can go down and get ANOTHER prescription AND hopefully find out what the heck is going on with his hand, not to mention the results of the blood test. If someone is going to stick needles in my son, I want it to be worthwhile!

Yet despite all this I really can’t muster up the energy to be angry or anything else. Should I be raising a fuss? I know some women who raise hell when their children are involved. I guess my give-a-damn is just taking this as another stupid part of the stupid way America’s stupid medical system works.

PS – I started to wonder if maybe I -should- have done the cord blood thing.

There Is Something Wrong With My Son

I’ve been writing this blog entry in my head since yesterday. It should have had some catchy title like “9-Month-Old Turns Into Beaver, Gnaws Off Boobah” or “Hey, What’s THIS Cord Do?” or even “Baby Defies Physics – Teleports Across Room”.

In it I would tell about how my son gave his daddy a birthday present by finally cutting a tooth on that day – and biting my finger (and later my boobah) to prove it. I would tell about his fauxhawk hair that is constantly sticking up, and how much he looks like his daddy. I’d say that he’s finally saying “ma-ma-ma” and “da-da-da” but doesn’t mean it yet, but he does turn his head when his name is spoken. I wouldn’t forget to mention that he’s able to pick up a piece of finger food and propel it more or less to his mouth.

Instead, “There Is Something Wrong With My Son”. I’ve just become one of ‘those’ parents whose blog is no longer about the simple joys of rearing a child – the sleepless nights, the frazzled mornings, the zombie diaper changes – but instead about the simple joys of rearing a child With Something Wrong With Him.

Now, granted, it’s too soon to say EXACTLY what is going on with Little Man, but there is no doubt there is something amiss. To my chagrin, by going back and looking at videos and pictures I shot months ago, I realize that this is something that has been going on since June at least. I just didn’t notice because it never occurred to me to think my child was less than perfect. Also, Little Man wasn’t crawling at the time.

Little Man can’t straighten his legs. When he’s picked up, he keeps his legs tucked up. He won’t bounce or try to stand. The little things he did that I found so endearing were actually a Sign of Something Wrong – the way he would put his forward knee into my hand like a stirrup when I held him on my side, and the way he puts the bottoms of his feet together, and the way he crawls with his feet up in the air, instead of along the ground. Now I question every cute thing he does. Is that a Sign of Something Wrong?

The pediatrician is calling this “spasticity”. Now, I’ve looked that up, but after the first couple of hits I stopped looking, because if I read too much more, I’m going to be blaming myself for every time that Little Man fell off the bed.

Who am I kidding? I already do. I feel like this is completely my fault. Preventable, if I’d been a better mother, if I’d kept him in a crib instead of co-sleeping, if I’d checked on him more and made sure he wasn’t slowly creeping towards the edge of the bed, if I’d taken more vitamins, if, if, if.

There are too many if’s for this post, so I am going to end it here. Thanks for listening.

PS – If the struggle we’ve had today with simply trying to get all these tests and appointments scheduled is any sign of things to come, I may very well go completely grey in the next few months.